I'll End It In January (sure, Jan😉)

 Every October, women start lying to themselves: "I'll end it in January."

Sarah did it for three years straight.

The first year, she convinced herself one more holiday season wouldn't matter. She'd already invested two years...what was a few more months? She spent Thanksgiving refreshing her phone every five minutes, waiting for his text between courses with his family. It came at 9:47 PM: "Thinking about you." She stared at those three words like they were a life raft.

Christmas morning, she watched his wife's Instagram story. The tree. The matching pajamas. His hand on her shoulder. Sarah told herself she was fine. She wasn't fine. She was dying inside, but she'd made a deal with herself: January. In January, she'd end it.

January came. He called on the 2nd. Things had been tense over the holidays. He missed her. She was his peace, his escape, his everything. And just like that, "I'll end it in January" dissolved like champagne bubbles at midnight. 

The second October, she told herself the same lie. The third October, she upgraded it to "This is definitely the last time."

When Sarah finally sat across from me in a coaching session, it was November of year four. She was exhausted. Ashamed. Confused about why she kept doing this to herself.

"I don't understand," she said, voice cracking. "I keep promising myself I'll leave, and then the holidays come and I just... can't."

Here's what I told Sarah (and what you to hear if you're reading this and seeing yourself in her story).

The Truth About "After the Holidays"

When you tell yourself you'll deal with this relationship in January, what you're really saying is: "I'm not ready to face the pain yet."

And I get it. The holidays magnify everything. Breaking up before Thanksgiving feels cruel. Ending it before Christmas feels impossible. Who wants to start the new year heartbroken and alone?

But here's what you're not considering: The holidays are going to hurt either way.

Whether you stay or go, you're spending them as his secret. You're still checking your phone obsessively, making excuses to family about why you're alone, feeling invisible while scrolling past photos of his "perfect" family, and pretending you're okay when you're dying inside.

The only difference is whether you start January with regret for staying… or pride for choosing yourself.

What Really Happens When You Wait

"I'll end it in January" isn't a plan. It's avoidance pretending to be a strategy.

It's a way to feel in control when you feel powerless. It lets you believe you're making an active choice to stay rather than admitting you're scared to leave.

But let me paint you a picture of what actually happens:

November: You convince yourself one more Thanksgiving won't matter. He sends a quick text between dinner courses. You tell yourself it's romantic. It's not, it's crumbs.

December: His wife posts their Christmas card. You stare at it for twenty minutes, analyzing her smile, his hand placement, wondering if he's thinking about you. You're spending your emotional energy on someone else's life while your own sits on pause.

New Year's Eve: You're home alone again while he kisses her at midnight. You watch fireworks through your window and promise yourself this is the year. You've said this before.

January 2nd: He calls. The cycle continues. Because waiting doesn't make you stronger, it makes you more invested in the relationship.

The Hidden Cost You're Not Counting

Every day you stay in this relationship, you're not just losing time. You're losing yourself.

You're teaching yourself that you're worth:

• Late-night texts instead of dinner dates
• Secrecy instead of celebration
• Leftovers instead of devotion
• His convenience instead of commitment

Your brain is literally rewiring itself to accept less. Neural pathways are forming that say, "This is what love looks like." And the longer you stay, the deeper those grooves get.

What Sarah Did Instead

Sarah didn't leave him that November. But she did something more important: she stopped negotiating with herself.

She stopped making deals ("Just through Christmas"). She stopped bargaining ("One more New Year's"). The moment she caught herself saying "I'll do it after…" she recognized it for what it was: fear.

She got support before she needed it. She wrote down what she actually wanted in a relationship, not what she'd tolerate, but what she deserved. Dates out in public. Someone who chose her first. A partner who was proud to show her off.

And she started creating distance. Not dramatically, but deliberately. She responded slower. She stopped being constantly available for crumbs. She watched what happened when she wasn't his emotional support system on demand.

By mid-December, she knew. By New Year's, she was done.

"The holidays still hurt," she told me later. "But I spent them knowing I was choosing me. That's a completely different kind of pain."

The Bottom Line

You're not going to feel "ready" to end this relationship. You're never going to wake up one morning and feel brave enough, strong enough, or detached enough.

But you can decide you've had enough. And that decision doesn't need to wait for a new calendar year.

The holidays are coming whether you're in this relationship or not. The question is: Do you want to spend them clinging to someone who'll never choose you… or honoring yourself by choosing you first?

This life is possible once you decide you've had enough.

Not in January. Now.

If you're ready to stop waiting and start choosing yourself, I'm here to help. Book a discreet call here and let's create your exit strategy—not someday, but today.