The Holidays Show You Where You Stand

 I remember one Christmas Eve when I sat in my car outside a party, watching through the window as everyone laughed and celebrated inside. I couldn't go in yet. I was waiting for a text from him. Just something, anything to let me know he was thinking of me while he was home with his family.

My phone finally buzzed. "Merry Christmas. Wish I could be with you."

Five words. That's what I got while he was probably sitting by a fireplace, watching his kids open presents, his wife beside him. And I was supposed to feel grateful for those five words.

If you're reading this, I'm guessing you know exactly what I'm talking about. The holidays hit different when you're the other woman, don't they?

Let me just say this right up front: I see you. I know your pain is real, and I'm not here to judge you. I'm here because I've been where you are, and I want you to know the truth about why the holidays are so unbearable…and what you can actually do about it.

The Invisible Woman

Here's what nobody tells you about being the other woman during the holidays: it's not just that you're alone. It's that you know exactly where he is and what he's doing. He's creating memories with his wife and children. He's laughing, opening presents, carving the turkey. And you? You're waiting for a text he might send from the bathroom.

The thing is, during the rest of the year, you can convince yourself that what you have is real. That it matters. That it's going somewhere. But the holidays? They don't let you keep that illusion. When Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's roll around, the truth is impossible to ignore: you are his secret. His escape. Not his priority.

And it hurts in a way that's hard to describe. You see his wife posting family photos, and there he is, smiling. You see the life he's chosen, and you're not in it. That humiliation isn't just a fleeting moment. It plays on repeat in your mind: I'm the woman who isn't enough to be chosen. I'm the woman who has to hide.

I know how that feels, and I'm so sorry you're going through it.

The Painful Contrast

The holidays have a way of putting everything under a spotlight, don't they? Suddenly, the differences between you and his wife become impossible to ignore.

She gets the family photos. You get the secret texts.

She gets to introduce him as her husband at events. You get to pretend you're not seeing anyone.

She gets meaningful gifts like a new car. You get fancy underwear.

She gets Christmas morning with him. You get (if you're lucky) a stolen hour somewhere in that week when he says he's "running errands."

She's building a life with him. You're building a fantasy around the scraps of time he can spare.

And here's what really twists the knife: the holidays show you exactly where you stand. While she's posting pictures of their family traditions, their matching pajamas, their kids opening presents with him right there, you're scrolling through those her posts alone. You're the woman on the outside looking in at a life you'll never be part of.

The contrast becomes painfully clear. She has legitimacy. You have secrecy. She has his presence. You have his promises. She has certainty about where she belongs in his life. You have constant uncertainty about whether he'll even text you back.

The holidays don't just magnify the loneliness. They magnify what this relationship actually is. You're his escape, not his choice. You're the break from his real life, not part of it.

The Great Pretender

And then there's the act you have to put on for everyone else. Your friends and family have no idea what you're really going through. How could you tell them? You can't explain why you're devastated about spending Christmas alone. You can't share why New Year's Eve feels so empty. You can't admit that the man you love, the man you've built your whole emotional world around, is completely unavailable, especially during the times that matter most.

So you smile. You show up to gatherings. You make excuses about why you're single or why you seem a little off. The lies become exhausting, but you keep them up because the truth feels too shameful to share.

Meanwhile, internally, you're checking your phone constantly, hoping for even a small sign that he's thinking of you. You know you deserve better. Deep down, you really do know. But you can't seem to walk away, can you?

I get it. I really do.

The Painful Waiting Game

The holidays make the waiting so much worse. Will he make time to see you? Will he call? Will he even acknowledge that you're hurting while he's playing the perfect family man?

Every single year, you tell yourself it'll be different. Maybe this will be the year he finally chooses you. Maybe this Christmas, he'll realize what he's missing and leave.

But honestly, it doesn't happen. Those promises he made back in October fade away by December. And when you're ringing in another New Year, still waiting, still hoping, still invisible, that disappointment cuts so deep.

I wish I could tell you something different, but I can't. What I can tell you is that there's a way out of this cycle.

How to Regain Control of Your Life

I say this with great compassion, because I know you’re in a lot of pain. But sometimes we need to see the truth clearly before we can do anything about it.

Here's what I learned the hard way: you can't control him. You can't control his choices, his timeline, or what happens with his family. But you can control yourself. And that's actually where all your power is.

First, stop waiting for him to choose you. I know you're hoping the situation will magically resolve itself, that he'll finally leave. But even if that day comes, it won't heal what this relationship has done to your sense of self-worth. Your healing has to come from you, not from him.

Second, get really honest with yourself about what this is costing you. Not just during the holidays, but every single day. I want you to actually write it down. Your dignity. Your time. Your chance to find real love with someone who's available. Your peace of mind. Your ability to be authentic with your friends and family. Your self-respect. Look at that list and ask yourself: is this really worth it?

Third, understand that your feelings are absolutely real, but that doesn't mean this relationship is good for you. I believe you when you say you love him. I believe the connection is powerful. But love without respect, availability, commitment, and honesty? That's not the foundation for a healthy relationship. That's the recipe for heartbreak.

Fourth, tell someone. Unburdening yourself with a secret like this is liberating. Shame loses its power when you can talk to someone you trust. The more people who know, the easier it is to not participate in this anymore. It’s a psychological thing. And when you’re ready, find professional support. You don't have to do this alone. Working with someone who really understands what you're going through, someone who's been there and knows how hard it is to walk away, can change everything. 

Finally, make a decision. Not after the holidays. Not next year. Now. Decide that you're worth more than being someone's secret. Decide that you deserve a love that doesn't require you to hide or settle for scraps. Decide that your happiness matters just as much as his comfort does.

The Truth About This Holiday Season

Listen, this holiday season doesn't have to be like every other one. You don't have to spend another year watching from the sidelines of someone else's life. You really do have the power to change your story, and it starts with one decision: choosing yourself.

I won't lie to you. The hardest part isn't the holidays themselves. The hardest part is facing the truth you've been avoiding: this probably isn't going to end the way you hope it will. But once you face that truth? That's when you can finally be free.

You are not powerless, even though it feels that way sometimes. You are not trapped. You're actually ready to step into the life you deserve. One where you're not hidden, not waiting, not humiliated. One where you're chosen, celebrated, and truly free.

I know you can do this. I did it, and so can you.

If you're ready to break free and create the life you deserve, I'm here. Let's talk. Book a consultation here and take the first step toward reclaiming your power.